Dear Father, when will it end?

On a different day, I would have been in the “depths of despair,” as Anne would put it. Marilla’s response often rings in my ears, “To despair is to turn your back on God.”

The whole day was filled with hatred and anger. I saw it in her eyes as soon as I came in the morning. She must have had a bad dream. There were men in the house and they were beating her up. They told her not to come out of her bedroom. After a breakfast filled with bazaar comments, when I asked her if she wanted to join me on the porch to drink our coffee, her response was, “Is that where you’re going to beat me up?”

I’m interpreting that to possibly mean, “Is that where you’re going to yell at me?”

Last week, I lost it. I yelled. It was not pretty. We will always regret harsh words, especially when they are spoken to a broken mind. So, what’s the difference this week? God! GOD!!!!

We read, ”Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand the fiery darts of the devil (Ephesians 6:13),” and yet how often, when those fiery mistles are hurled our way, do we go on the defense and battle them in our own strength? THAT NEVER WORKS!

Yesterday was worse than the incident last week and yet I came through it without a harsh word or a wrinkled soul. Why? Because I had on the armor of God. The day before, I determined to test God—prove His promises and HIS power and strength. May I say that it was amazing? I won’t call it an out-of-body experience, but as Mom spit venom at me all day it was reflected off my shield of faith and did not bruise my heart. I was able to love her, care for her, continue with kindness, and eventually (after a LONG day!!) pull her out of her anger and discontentment, in Christ alone!!!

Oh, what we could accomplish if we would only surrender these measly lives to the omnipotence of God! And lest you read this and think, “Well, that works for you, Wanda, but not for me.” I am no different than you, my friend, believe me! I am able to spout venomous words just as well as anyone else when I give into my flesh.

I often listen to Spurgeon when I can’t sleep at night. The British gentleman who reads his sermons has a relaxing voice and his words often calm my rankled soul. This morning, the sermon was “Taught That We May Teach “ based on  Ezekiel 40;4 and the phrase “son of man.” His point was that we are all “sons of God.” Ezekiel was flesh and blood just like you or me. He went on to share that in one of his dark hours of depression he was able to help another man who was struggling with depression. I went on to listen to the psalms since I still wasn’t asleep (and since that still didn’t work, I’m writing in the wee hours!). Psalm 66:10-12:

For You, O God, have tested us;You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid affliction on our backs. You have cause men to ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.”

Wow! Isn’t it a blessing when God’s Words jump off the page and right into your heart? Then came Psalm 69:30:

“I will praise the name of God with a song. And will magnify Him with thanksgiving.”

Are you in a trial that you beg God to end? Me too, but had He ended it yesterday or last week, I wouldn’t have experienced this victory!

Perhaps someday I will be able to rise to the plane on which Paul walks and say, “Most gladly the will I suffer (2 Corinthians 12).” I don’t think I’m there yet, but I will put the armor of God on again today and watch God work His amazing power in my life. (And just a side note: Isn’t it amazing that I’m teaching Truth Trackers to my 4th-6th graders and the lesson this past week was God’s Omnipotence?!!!)

By the way, did you know that I have a few podcasts that you can listen to on YouTube? Take a look around. I think my favorite is also my most recent: “This is My Father’s World”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.