Beyond Common Sense

Where would that be, a safe haven for husbands? Well… it should be with his wife: Proverbs 31:11

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of gain. (ASV)

The heart of her husband has faith in her, and he will have profit in full measure. (BBE: Basic Bible in English)

The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain of need of [dishonest] spoil. (AMPC: Amplified Bible, Classic Edition)

There it is! But what does it look like to have a wife in whom he can trust, have faith in, believe or rely upon? Sadly, I can tell you about the opposite from my own experience. 😦 A husband does not feel safe to trust his wife because…

• She expects the impossible from him. He doesn’t make enough money. She might not say it right out in plain words, but her complaints about not having this or that say it loud and clear.
• She does not trust his leadership. She questions every decision right down to the salad dressing he chooses! On a bigger scale, she argues with him over major and minor issues presenting possibly the most deadly situation for raising godly, secure children: a divided front!
• She doesn’t listen to him. He could NEVER share his heart, his hurt, or his struggles in fear that she will either ridicule him, make light of his difficulties, or explain why he’s not thinking right.
• She WILL NOT FOLLOW. Even though she complains that he doesn’t lead, often it is the outcome of years of failed following on the wife’s part. If you will not follow in the little things, what makes you think he will lead in the difficult places?
• She does not share his dreams or vision. If he would ever decide to share his ideas, she looks at him with one eyebrow raised. Words are not necessary.

When David brought the ark into Jerusalem, he was excited—very excited and for obvious reasons. His last attempt had ended in failure and the death of Uzzah (2 Samuel 6:6, 7). For three months, the ark is housed by Obededom and God blesses him.  Meanwhile, David is getting his heart right and makes preparations to move the ark properly—according to God’s law. His heart is clean and his actions are right. He is…

• Acting with gladness (2 Sam. 6:12)
• Offering sacrifices every six steps! (v. 13)
• Dancing “before the LORD with all his might” (v. 14) [NOTE: The film King David (1985) really gets this scene COMPLETELY wrong! They make his dance to be sensual. There is no place for sensuality in worship and it goes against the grain of David’s character to portray it as such. –just my opinion!)

Michal, David’s wife, looks out the window, sees David “leaping and dancing before the LORD” and she despises him (v. 16). There are so many reasons for her to be out of sorts. Their culture was so different from ours, but her words to David when he comes home to bless his household are classic bitterness.

Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself! (v. 20)

Will David go to her again? No. His words are caustic and cruel as well. The chapter ends by saying that Michal never has children. She is not even referred to as David’s wife but as the daughter of Saul. How sad!

As wives, we could certainly side with Michal and list a dozen “yes, but he…” We are not married to perfect husbands and our husbands do not have perfect wives, but when trust is gone, the cornerstone of any marriage crumbles!

Love him! Listen to him! If he has not felt safe with you, dear wife, rebuild that trust little by little and watch your marriage flourish! This might be very hard for you depending on your situation, but try it—what do you have to lose? Remember, Beauty and the Beast:

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared

Beauty and the beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before and ever just as sure as the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast

Songwriters: Howard Elliott Ashman / Alan Menken

Beauty & The Beast lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company